Bob’s Blarney

It’s always nice to know that you were right about something.

More than 25 years ago I gave up neckties for Lent and never again put one on even after Easter.  The open collar felt good, and I never did feel happy about shelling out hard-earned dollars so that I could put an uncomfortable and restrictive piece of cloth around my throat.

If I needed something to get past the door guard I could usually get by with a string bolo and a loose collar button.  Especially if I was wearing cowboy boots.

And now I see lots of important people–actors, TV announcers, politicians and even a president– proudly facing their fans and the cameras with an adam’s apple waving in the breeze.  I really do try to not be smug about it.

A WORD OF CAUTION

There was an interesting question posed on a recent TV piece:  “How does a guy tell if his date is a He or a She”?  Medicine and science can do marvelous things for a chap that would like to stay incognito in drag.  They can remove hair through depilation and retrain certain mannerisms. They can alter a voice timbre and even shave down a larynx so that it does not bobble.  But there is one thing they cannot do.

The bone structure of a female is such that her index finger is longer than her ring finger.  Better check out your wife or girlfriend…

I have heard many guys proclaim–and I say guys because I haven’t heard it from a woman–”I’d like to be king for a week and get this crap straightened out”.  Once or twice I have heard a guy say, usually under some sort of stress, that he wished he were God.

If you really think about it being God would be a very tough job.  However, if you really think it would be a good idea there is a place where you might, if you can cut the mustard, get your wish.

Latter Day Saints (Mormons) believe that a good man of the faith can become a god.  The procedure refers to the ‘ Doctrine of Exaltation’; and for a person outside the faith understanding it can be a bit difficult.

Romy Brown, in a question and answer session, was asked, “Do you think you can become a god?”.  Mr. Brown quoted portions from the bible:

a)  Gen. 3:22  And the Lord God said behold the man has become as one of us to know good and evil.

b)  Rev. 3:21  Those who are faithful will sit in the throne of Christ.

c)  Rev, 14:1  They will have the name of God the Father placed upon them.

And there are four key principles pointed out in Joseph Smith’s sermon delivered April 7, 1844:  1.  Men can become gods.  2.  There exist many gods.  3.  The gods exist one above the other innumerably.  God was once as man is now.

One thing appears to be definite:  it’s a men-only club.  Both of these sections refer to “the man” and to “men”.  Sorry girls.

Several of my good friends in the LDS faith have explained things further.  The belief is that in outer space are uncounted worlds similar to earth where families and life and living will go on as in out own world.  The chosen ones wouldbe granted a godhood on one of these worlds. This could follow Joseph Smith’s third principle

Bur the question remains,  Why would you want to be god?  Of course you would have infinite unlimited power.  You could stop wars, cancel earthquakes and tsunamis.  You could eliminate pain and suffering; but God does not always do this.  Just recently there was an incident in Africa where a fuel tanker overturned.  Hundreds of needy people rushed to siphon the gasoline. The tanker exploded and rained fire and death on scores of people, burning killing and mutilating.  And God had to watch this suffering.  That’s why being God would be a tough job–watching.  And you would have to do this forever.

Here’s a sobering thought:  Could one of those many gods now be in charge of our world?

When we think about bears we think of the animals digging in garbage cans or pacing in a zoo or Goldilocks.  And most of us think that polar bears are having a tough time; far less polar ice means far less food which, in turn, means fewer cubs.  (More about that in a moment).

Grizzly bears have a better time of it because they are not restricted to that ice, and this might some day be a good things for their polar brothers.  There is at least one documented instance of a grizzly and a polar mating and producing a hybrid cub, which could give the polar bloodline a chance of survival.

A largely unknown fact is that grizzly bear is not purely grizzly.  According to Encyclopaedia Brittanica “more than 80 forms of grizzly bears have been described”, the most prominent being the Alaskan brown bear and the Kodiak bear which is the largest living land carnivore.

I have never run across either of these bears thank goodness but I have run across black bears, which are plentiful in this neck of the woods.  There are some interesting things about these bears which, I would imagine, could apply to other species.

Bear Fact One:  Earlier I referred to a shortage of cubs.  A female bear will carry a fertilized egg for many months until her body sends an unknown signal.  If all is well the egg will attach to her womb.  But if she is too thin or if food is scarce the egg will spontaneously abort.

Bear Fact Two:  Bears do not truly hibernate but rather sleep fitfully.  Their head and torso stays warm and they can, in a few minutes, be awakened.  True hibernators– some bats, insects and rodents–  spend the winter in a condition close to death and even appear to be dead and require quite a long time to awaken.

Bear Fact Three:   When bears hibernate they do not lose muscle mass.  It is thought that they use a blood waste product to make protein, and can even repair damaged bones.  Obviously more than scavengers and honey lovers bears are strange and wonderful creatures.

Nest time:  Death sentence–good or bad?

It’s Monday, January 26th, and time for one last trip to clear up a few details at the Blarney Stone.  Again, legend says that this pie of the Stone of Scone was given by Robert the Bruce to Carmac McCarthy

for his help in a great battle.  It is not too easy to acquire the gift because the kisser must hang upside down and backward over a parapet wall.

Nothing is mentioned about possible hygienic problems.  Certainly the kisser would not want to go home with a mouthful of herpes; and it is not known if a piece of Kleenex between lips and stone would negate the transfer of power.

Next time — the wonderful world of bears…

At Blarney Castle in Ireland, high on a battlement wall is the Blarney Stone.  Accortding to legend it is part of the ‘Stone of Scone’, which was used by the ancient Celts in their coronation ceremonies.  Kissing this stone is said to impart eloquence–mainly, the Gift of Gab.  The Old English Dictionary states that anyone kissing it will. “ever after have a cajoling tongue and the art of flattery or telling lies with unblushing effrontery”.    Other definitions include “smooth wheedling”, and “the clever dispensing of baloney or horse hockey”.

This space, of course, is not strictly about blarney.  It will be a place stretch the mind; to ask or to advise; to inform of things relevent or irrelevent, important: ‘Did you know that it is projected that by 2035 the glaciers in India will be gone, and the Ganges dry’ or trivial: ‘When you’re sitting at a campfire, why does it feel better to hold out the palms of your hands rather that the backs’.  Or does it?

This space is about stuff.  And there is lots of stuff out there to think about.